And now, from our Department of 'There but for fortune go I', here is:
Subject: Why I'm Not With Micro$oft
Source: Anonymous, from Boeing
Consider these two types of HR 'good' advice:
STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely
admit the stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally,
MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into
AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew
intimacies with friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new
insights, but also is anathema to agitation and depression.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside
so no-one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your productivity.
CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationships, a
situation, or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your
circumstances, or if necessary, leave.
MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down,
suppress these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee.
DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE. Pinpoint those areas or aspects
which summon up the most concentrated intensity and work toward
alleviating that pressure.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum
productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind
wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the stock price.
STOP OVERNURTURING. If you routinely take on other people's problems and
responsibilities, learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some
nurturing for yourself.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE
responsible for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job
LEARN TO SAY "NO". You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up
for yourself. This means refusing additional requests or demands on
your time or emotions.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness, and
lowers the stock price. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do at
BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH. Learn to delegate, not only at work,
but also at home and with friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing
yourself for yourself.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. Let someone else
do it (See # 5).
REASSESS YOUR VALUES. Try to sort out the meaningful values from
the temporary and fleeting, the essential from the nonessential. You'll
conserve energy and time, and begin to feel more centered.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is
selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the company
meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your priorities, tell
them that you are unable to comment on this and give them the number for
Microsoft Marketing. It will be taken care of.
LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF. Try to take life in moderation. You only
have so much energy available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your
life, then begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.
MICROSOFT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by the
Borland Marketing Team. Don't be a fool: The only thing that matters is
work and productivity.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid
diets, disregard your need for sleep, or break the doctor appointments.
Take care of yourself nutritionally.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the
company Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew. (it's
DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY. Try to keep superstitious worrying to a
minimum-it changes nothing. You'll have a better grip on your
situation if you spend less time worrying and more time taking care of
your real needs.
MICROSOFT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be
very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.
KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Begin to bring joy and happy moments into
your life. Very few people suffer burnout when they're having fun.
MICROSOFT VIEW: So, you think your work is funny? We'll discuss
this with your manager on Friday. At 7:00pm.