And now, from our 'Feeling Fluishness Department' here is:
Subject: Virus Alerts
Source: Rames Creel <
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***(with some modifications and additions for this list)***
This is only for amusement, This is NOT A REAL/OFFICIAL VIRUS WARNING, if these were
real/official viruses or warnings, you would have heard a very annoying
sound and then been informed where to tune for further information.
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AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're
getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much
for the AT&T virus.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half
with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says
that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much
of a threat. Willing to deal on how much damage it will actually do.
BILL CLINTON VIRUS: Can't decide to crash your drive or add files to your directory, but it's pleasant when you encounter it.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year
later, in another directory.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything.
Secretly, you wish it would.
STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the
whole thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, but ewe
cant figyour outt watt!
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it talks a lot in code and
complains loudly about foreign software. Frequently accompanies the
Right-to-Life and the Randall Terry virus.
RANDALL TERRY VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort"
from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, no matter how
new it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to see a
counselor about possible alternatives.
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you
just can't prove it.
BOBBITT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it.
(But that part will never work again.)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
then slowly expands back to 200MB.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns
you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus," but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGAR VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software
says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be
the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error).
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs,
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply,
and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no new
files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your
hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286AT.
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the
reviews, but you still love it
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