And now, from our Department of Incredu-lessness, here is:


Subject: Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Source: Joshua Ostroff < >


The other night my pre-teen son asked if he could leave a recently lost tooth under the pillow. This is the first tooth fairy attempt in about 4 or 5 teeth - we thought he had grown out of it. I asked if he still believed and he said no, otherwise why would he be talking to me? and in any case, he still wanted the money. Anyway, I told him to leave it under his pillow if he was serious. He didn't leave it, but he still enjoyed the following note, which I wrote that night in case he tried. Feel free to use it. I expect to see it forwarded back to me some day.

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From: tooth fairy < >

Subject: lost tooth redemption





Dear :


Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.


While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost

or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the

following reason(s) indicated below:


( ) the tooth could not be found

( ) it was not a human tooth

( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny

( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor

( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash

( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you

( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails

( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for

appropriate action

(x) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy

( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received

( ) the tooth is still in your mouth

(x) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our


( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit

(x) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were


( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:

[ ] string

[ ] pliers

[ ] gunpowder

[ ] hammer marks

[ ] chisel

[ ] part of skull attached to tooth

[ ] no dental care

( ) other:


Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following


which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for

your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.




The Tooth Fairy

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Barump-Bump! Back to the Laughter Page



Joshua Ostroff

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