Subject: How to tell if your Starship Captian is a Redneck
Source: Marty Kuhrt <
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Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...
- your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
- he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
- you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
- he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
- he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
- he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
- he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
- he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
- he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
- he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
- he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
- he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
- he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
- he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
- he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
- he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
- he paints the starship John Deere green
- he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
- he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
- his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
- he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
- his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
- he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
- his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of
beans and weenies
- he sets phaser to "Cajun"
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