And now, from our Department of 'Whatever Happened to ole' So and So?' here is:
Subject: No One Really Dies, They Just...
Source:
Mini Table of Contents
1) Introduction
2) PS
3) THE LIST
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INTRODUCTION
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We all know that no one really dies, they just have something happen to
them in a rather final manner.
To find out what will happen to you in a few years, read on.
(This list is posted the first Tuesday of each month into rec.humor.)
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PS. If you have any more jokes to add to this list, please send them to
.
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THE LIST
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just loose their faculties
OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance
OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part
OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history
OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver
OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures
OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay
OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest
OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan
OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty
OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling
OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away
OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter
OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away
OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose
OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust
OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it!
(c)opyright 1986 AIR COURIERS INTERNATIONAL Vancouver, BC
OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged
OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire
OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged
OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop
OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board
OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring
OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience
OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold
OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed
OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way
OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away
OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool
OLD FROGS never die, they just croak
OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes
OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire
OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize
OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their balls
OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez
OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips
OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away
OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way
OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED
OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe
OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over
OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed
OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out
OLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate
OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils
OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs
OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under
OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just disappear
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just float away
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just make a big production of it
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves
OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate
OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed
OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot
OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home
OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain
OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out
OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip
OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just loose their memory
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addresses
OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse
OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horse
OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail
OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass away
OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY"
OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise
OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals
OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt
OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles
OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision
OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away
OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around
OLD SHOES MAKERS never die, they just lose their sole
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away
OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class
OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state
of maximum entropy
OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities
OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt
OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over
WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics,
but their future is doubtful
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