And now, from R&R Productions' 'So THAT's how they manage to manage' Department, here is:

Subject: Rules for a Successful Meeting
Source: Owen H O'Neill <ohoneill@JUNO.COM>

1. State you don't have the entire answer--automatically, you
don't have to give any part of the answer.

2. Insist on not moving too quickly; then you don't even have to
start.

3. Throw in a counter-proposal to any proposal. This necessitates
accepting a 'middle course' (No option whatsoever) as the wisest course
of action, even if it's clearly wrong.

4. Explain that trying to make decisions is only a futile search
for assurance or certainty and assert that doubt and indecision must
surely promote growth.

5. If cornered, resort to something the group cannot understand,
either verbally or by using charts and graphs.

6. Exhibit embarassment when the problem is brought up, as if to
show that it is too elementary to be considered, or in bad taste, or
that the group's consideration of it would be inappropriate at this
stage of development.

7. Point out that the problem cannot be solved, since it is one of
a group of problems which must all be solved at once.

8. Suggest that those who see the problem only do so because they
are unhappy--not vice-versa.

9. Ask the problem-raiser to be specific and to elaborate on every
detail. There will then be no time left for the answer.

10. Try Philosophy as a basis for the solution of the problem by
using the philosophical approach. Then look for a basis for this, then
a basis for that, and so on--back to Mount Ararat.

11. Get out from under by starting an endless discussion on the
many ways of studying the problem.

12. Introduce general objectives on which the group can agree. As
a result, everyone will see either that the problem has solved itself or that it is better to forget the whole thing.

13. Introduce analogies. Discuss them, rather than the problem.

14. Make a statement, then explain, clarify and reclarify that
statement ad infinitum.

***
Editor's note:

Veni, Vidi, Vegi :
I came, I saw, I had a salad.

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Barum-bum! <--back