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And now, from our Department of Cultural Clarity, here is:
Subject: English-isms
Source: Brian Myers <
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Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered in
many countries of the world:
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On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU WITH NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."
In a Rome laundry:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."
In a Japanese hotel:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
In a Tokyo bar:
"SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR LADIES WITH NUTS."
In a Belgrade hotel:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
Outside a Paris shop:
"DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING."
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
In the office of a Roman doctor:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
"THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT
YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from the monastary:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETARY WHERE FAMEOUS RUSSIAN COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO RUSSIA, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT."
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
"SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE: LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE
FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN THE
COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION."
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
"COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM IN YOUR ROOM PLEASE
CONTROL YOURSELF."
In a Budapest zoo:
"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO
THE GUARD ON DUTY."
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
"WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM
MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM
WITH VIGOR."
In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY--NO ICE CREAM."
From the Soviet weekly:
"THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 150 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS
AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
In an Acapulco hotel:
"THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL WATER SERVED HERE."
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