And now, from my 'I'm listening' department, here is:

Subject: Answering Machine Messages
Source: Them

Science Fiction

This is Siggy. Talk to me.

You have reached 555-6238. Why?

This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what

You have reached 234-1243. This is an answering machine. This is the
nineties. You know what to do.

You have reached the number you have dialed. Now you will hear a beep.

I know. This is a boring answering machine message, and you hate talking to machines. Leave a message anyway.

(Classical music in background, slow stoned voice:) Do you ever wonder
what life would be like? <beeep>

( For Shakespeare lovers only :) So long as phones can ring and eyes can
see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit
Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a messege though.

Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular
loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs
or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I
do. Bye.

Bullwinkle</B>: Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch
me pull their message out of this machine!
Rocky</B>: Again?
Bullwinkle</B>: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! (Sound of vicious dog
barking, stops abruptly.)
Bullwinkle</B>: Must have been a wrong number.
Rocky</B>: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message.

(Recorded during a party:)
yeah!! we're having a party!! come on over!
mike's not home right now!! Look out!
Hey,what are you doing?
Careful it might spill.
(different voice...)Was that the phone ringing? >beep<

(A friend was at a mutual friend's sister's house, and when she went out for
beer, he changed her answering machine message. In a loud, deep, gravelly,
horror-film voice he recorded:) Hi, this is Kathy. I'm not myself right now.
If you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you when I'm feeling better.


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