You knew it was inevitable. Now, from our department of 'Pills for what ails ya', here is:
NEW MEDICINE FOR MEN
- Submitted by K. Lawson
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With Viagra such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual
prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards
improving the performance of men in today's society..
Here are a few of the new ones:
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DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing
new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge
to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this
drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be
continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to
turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gasesback
into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men
with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the
test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other
people.
Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being
asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular,
Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
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