And now, from our 'This is a man's world???' department, here is:

Subject: Men's Rules Of Romance
Source: Scott McKeown forwarded these to me. Source unknown.

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects--

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


>> > Simple Duties
>> > -------------
>> > You make sure there's plenty of gas in the car..........+1
>> > You make sure there are barely enough fumes
>> > in the car to make it to the nearest gas station...-1
>> > You take out the recyclables and stack them
>> > neatly by the curb.................................+1
>> > You take out the recyclables at 4:30 am, just as
>> > the truck pulls away...............................-1
>> > You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish.......+1
>> > You leave dishes in the sink............................-1
>> > You leave them under the bed............................-5
>> > You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light
>> > panty liners with wings............................+5
>> > But return with beer....................................-5
>> > You leave the toilet seat up............................-1
>> > You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty........0
>> > When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort
>> > to Kleenex.........................................-1
>> > When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly
>> > to the next bathroom...............................-2
>> > You make the bed........................................+1
>> > You make the bed, but forget to add the
>> > decorative pillows..................................0
>> > You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.............-1
>> > You check out a suspicious noise at night................0
>> > You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing........0
>> > You check out a suspicious noise and it's something.....+5
>> > You pummel it with a six iron..........................+10
>> > It's her father........................................-10
>> >
>> > Social Engagements
>> > ------------------
>> > You stay by her side the entire party....................0
>> > You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
>> > chat with a college drinking buddy.................-2
>> > Named Tiffany...........................................-4
>> > Tiffany is a dancer.....................................-6
>> > Tiffany has implants....................................-8
>> > When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze
>> > at her lovingly...................................+1
>> > When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol'
>> > ball and chain," and pat her on the rump..........-5
>> > When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and
>> > asks you if you think she is attractive, you say,
>> > "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"......+1
>> > When your mate points to a woman and asks if you
>> > think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but
>> > don't worry, she's lousy in bed"..................-6
>> > That woman is her sister...............................-90
>> > You have one drink, and that's it.........................0
>> > You have more than a few and perform the tango
>> > with a poodle.....................................-2
>> > You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being
>> > fingerprinted....................................-18
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Saturday Afternoon
>> > ------------------
>> > You go to the mall together.............................+3
>> > You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then
>> > park the car.......................................+4
>> > You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then
>> > drive to a sports bar..............................-2
>> > You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend
>> > to like it.........................................+3
>> > You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap
>> > on a sectional......................................0
>> >
>> > You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk...+3
>> > Most of it chips and beer...............................-6
>> > You tackle a large household project, such as painting
>> > the den...........................................+15
>> > Or refinishing the floors..............................+16
>> > Or rewiring the basement...............................+17
>> > Or adding a second floor...............................+18
>> > Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom
>> > wastebasket........................................-6
>> > And you're tickled pink about it.......................-15
>> > You visit her parents...................................+1
>> > You visit her parents and actually make conversation....+3
>> > You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the
>> > television...........................................-3
>> >
>> > And the television is off...............................-6
>> > You spend the afternoon watching football in your
>> > underwear..........................................-6
>> >
>> > And you didn't even go to college......................-10
>> > And it's not your underwear............................-15
>> >
>> > Her Birthday
>> > ------------
>> > You take her out to dinner...............................0
>> > You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
>> > Okay, it is a sports bar................................-2
>> > And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3
>> > It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and
>> > your face is painted the colors of your favorite
>> > team..............................................-10
>> > You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a
>> > guitar player......................................+3
>> > You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar
>> > player and get up and sing.........................+4
>> > And you stink...........................................+2
>> > And you're not half bad.................................+5
>> > You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're
>> > escorted out to much applause......................-2
>> > You give her a gift......................................0
>> > You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance........-10
>> > You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance.....+1
>> > You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.............+2
>> > You give her a gift that you'll be paying off
>> > for months........................................+30
>> > You wait until the last minute and buy her a
>> > gift that day.....................................-10
>> > With her credit card...................................-30
>> > And whatever you bought is two sizes too big...........-40
>> >
>> > Thoughtfulness
>> > --------------
>> > You forget her birthday completely.....................-10
>> > You forget your anniversary............................-20
>> > You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-25
>> > Which is in Newark, New Jersey.........................-35
>> > And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast............-50
>> >
>> > A Night Out With The Boys
>> > -------------------------
>> > Go out with a pal.......................................-5
>> > And the pal is happily married..........................-4
>> > Or frighteningly single.................................-7
>> > And he drives a Trans Am...............................-10
>> > With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)..........-15
>> > You have a few beers....................................-9
>> > And miss curfew by an hour.............................-12
>> > You get home at 3 am...................................-20
>> > You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and
>> > cheap cigars......................................-30
>> > And not wearing any pants............................-40
>> > Is that a tattoo???.................................-200
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Her Night Out
>> > -------------
>> > You watch the kids while she goes out with her
>> > annoying work friends..............................+5
>> > She goes out with her annoying work friends,and
>> > she comes home late...............................+10
>> > You wait up............................................+15
>> > She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you
>> > put her to bed....................................+20
>> >
>> >
>> > A Night At Home
>> > ---------------
>> > You watch TV together....................................0
>> > You rent a movie........................................+1
>> > You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...........+3
>> > It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout..+5
>> > It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep............-1
>> > It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool..-2
>> >
>> > A Night Out
>> > -----------
>> > You take her to a movie.................................+2
>> > You take her to a movie she likes.......................+4
>> > You take her to a movie you hate (anything with
>> > Susan Sarandon)....................................+6
>> > You take her to a movie you like........................-2
>> > It's called DeathCop 3..................................-7
>> > Which features cyborgs having sex.......................-9
>> > You lied and said it was a foreign film about
>> > orphans and sheepdogs..............................-15
>> >
>> > Flowers
>> > -------
>> > You buy her flowers only when it's expected..............0
>> > You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for
>> > the hell of it.....................................+5
>> > You give her wildflowers you've actually
>> > picked yourself...................................+10
>> > And she contracts Lyme disease..........................-25
>> >
>> > Your Physique
>> > -------------
>> > You develop a noticeable potbelly.......................-15
>> > You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10
>> > You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
>> > Hawaiian shirts....................................-5
>> >
>> >
>> > Finances
>> > --------
>> > You spend a lot of money on something impractical.......-5
>> > Something she can't use................................-10
>> > Such as a motorized model airplane.....................-20
>> > And your kid needs braces..............................-30
>> > In fact, all four of the kids need braces.......-120
>> >
>> > Driving
>> > -------
>> > You lose the directions on a trip.......................-4
>> > You lose the direction and end up getting
>> > lost............................................-10
>> > You end up getting lost in a bad part of town..........-15
>> > You get lost in a bad part of town and meet
>> > the locals up close and personal..................-25
>> > She finds out you lied about having a black belt.......-60
>> >
>> > The Big Question
>> > ----------------
>> > She asks, "Do I look fat?"..............................-5
>> > (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
>> > You hesitate in responding.............................-10
>> > You reply, "Where?"....................................-25
>> >
>> > Communication
>> > -------------
>> > When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
>> > displaying what looks like a concerned expression...0
>> > When she wants to talk, you listen, for over
>> > 30 minutes.........................................+5
>> > You listen for more than 30 minutes, without
>> > looking at the TV.................................+10
>>
>> >She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep......-10
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Editor's note: Do not read these rules to your wife. She will then tell you your point scores on a running talley (that's what happened to me!)

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