Reasons Capt. Janeway is Better than Capt. Picard
Source: Unknown
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* One word: hair

* More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.

* Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.

* Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.

* Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.

* Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.

* Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0

* Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit
they're lost and pull over for directions.

* Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way
through.

* Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.

* Looks better in sleepwear.

* Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.

* Isn't French with an English accent.

* "Take this cheese to sickbay!"

* Will give you two days off to ponder your life-shattering experience.

* Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to
convince them to behave better.

* To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way.
Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up for
morning bells.

* The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.

* Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.

* She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.

* Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.

* Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of
trying to weasel her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.

* 15 episodes without surrendering the ship.

* 15 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.

* Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs.
Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniuses who tried to take over
the ship.

* She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.

* Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!

* Kirk looked good in ripped shirts. Picard looked good without a shirt.
Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network television.

* Cheese

* Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in
with a primitive planet.

* She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the
Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.

* Her engineer does not wear a banana clip over her eyes.

* Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.

* Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).

* Her telepath only lives nine years.

* Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone
before" and took them to the extreme.

* Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come
to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest
of force."

* Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.

* The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf
could stomach.

* Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.

* Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.

* Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy Paris,
are YOU ever stupid."

* Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!

* Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.

* Has a more manly voice.

* Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot.

* Has a dog and a significant other. Not some damn fish!

* Kes. Troi. No contest.

* Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.

* At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she
wants something to drink.

* Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.

* Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.

* Her CONN officer can use contractions.

* Her first officer has a hallucinogenic device.

* None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the
ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all
humankind.

* To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her spirit
guide. Picard's first officer helps him get to Risa.

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