And now from our Golden Years of Comedy department, here is: Subject: GWB/Inaugural/First Draft/For Consultation Source: Jacquie Lowell < > TOP SECRET My fellow Armenians, As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach. I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city, and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it. Americans have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes. Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie higher. A high pie letseveryone put food on their family and their family on the table. That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets of Laredo". (Music break) A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong, black or right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is as broad as we are. And it will give our expansion a timely second dose of wind. (Zantac commercial) I say there's a cost to inaction. I haven't done the acrobatics, but it's probably around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a lawn mower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work to those they love, and especially to pass on. Thanks, Mom and Dad. We know that America is the best in the world. We are the greatest super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate. We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must never run our lives. (Exxon commercial) The purpose of prosperity is to make sure that the American dream couches every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I was one myself. I'm less of one now. But I'm also more. We are all less and more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts to our preservative minds. I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire and untie. I will appeal to people's better angles. I will prove that politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom. Thank you, and God help America.