And now, from our Department of Nutritional NonSense, here is:

Subject: The Non-Stress Diet

Source: Unknown


This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that normally builds up

during the day.

* Breakfast

o 1/2 Grapefruit

o 1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, Dry

o 8 oz. Skim Milk

* Lunch

o 4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast

o 1 cup Steamed Spinach

o 1 cup Herb Tea

o 1 Oreo Cookie

* Mid-Afternoon Snack

o Rest of the Oreos in the package

o 2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream

o 1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce

o Nuts, Cherries, Whipped Cream

* Dinner

o Loaves Garlic Bread with Cheese

o Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza

o 4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer

o 3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars

Rules For This Diet

1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no


2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the

candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you

don't eat more than they do.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Example: hot chocolate,

brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the

entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Example:

Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie

causes calorie leakage.

8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not

strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie


9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off

knives and spoons has no calories. Examples: Peanut Butter on a knife

and ice cream on a spoon.

10. Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are

spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.

Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.


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