And now, from our Parenting Is Fun Department, here is:
Subject: Permission To Date
Source: Stucky-Risdon, Helen A.
As I ponder the present and future of raising my 14 year old daughter, this
little form helped my perspective alot!
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
1. Name ___________ Date of Birth _______
2. Height _______ Weight ______ I.Q._______ G.P.A. _______
3. Social Security # ________________ Driver's License #___________
4. Boy Scout Rank _____________
5. Home Address ___________________ City ____________ St____ Zip ________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? (please circle) Yes No
7. Number of years parents married:________
8. Do you own a van?____ A truck with oversized tires? ____ A waterbed?____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring?____ A tatoo?____
(IF YES TO ANY IN #8, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, YOU MAY REAPPLY IN 10 YEARS)
9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU?_____
11. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? __________________
12. Church you attend ______________________ How often? _____________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?
14. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential, (that means I won't tell anyone - ever - promise).
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is:
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C. A woman's place is:
D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is:
E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice first is:
(NOTE: if answer E begins with a T or A, discontinue and leave premises, keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?__________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, OR SLOW INSIDIOUS TORTURE.
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to
call or write as this will delay processing time. If your application is
rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and
carrying violin cases.
Back to Laughter Index