Subject: Goodtimes Virus Parody
Source: Mike Quigley <
>>
> Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
> scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will
> recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream
> goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
> screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field
> harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
>
> It will give your ex-boyfriend your new phone number. It will mix
> Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave
> its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It
> will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and
> hide your car keys when you are late for work.
>
> Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
> nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and
> shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boyfriend behind
> your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.
>
> It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such
> is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those
> things we hold most dear.
>
> It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It
> will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
> voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and
> terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
>
> Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat
> up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and then
> leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase
> gradeschooles with your new snowblower.
>
> Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.
>
> It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message to
> everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If anyone
> else sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will
> turn hating them into a religion. I will do things to them that would
> make a horsehead in your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch.
>
>
>Editors Note: If you are new to internet and email, then you may not have
> received a warning about the Good Times email virus. Trust me, eventually
> you will. It is not real, just a hoax that keeps going around and around.
> Keep this letter. You may feel like sharing it with people in the future.
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