The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and
alcohol bottles, such as:

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like an idiot.

11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
the same boring story over and over again until your
friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
shings like thish.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the heck happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll
over in the morning and see something really scary
(whose species and or name you can't remember).

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some
really, really big guy named Kerry.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
you are invisible.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in
the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
large) gaps of time may seem to literally "disappear".

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.